Take That Choice Back

Good evening. How's everyone doing? It's good to see you all. Good to see you back, Sara. Welcome to our new folks today. You look familiar, though. You ever been here before? No, but we saw one time in Ayak at church. Okay, okay. At the Anjanaya? Okay. So are... So you meditated with us before? You meditated before? It's the first time? I have before, but not with this group. Okay. What type of meditation, if I may ask? I typically sit cross-legged on my couch, and I often fall asleep during meditations. What is the object of your meditation? To calm my thoughts, to bring about a grounded awareness in my body. And I really have a lot of energy that rises up and kind of tingles around here, and I like to just like, you know, ground it.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, what technique do you use? Oh, um, I, I, I follow my breath, and I, I sort of bring awareness to sensations in my body, and just listen to sounds around. Um, and I typically close my eyes, and, yeah, okay, yeah, just focus. Okay. Yeah, the reason, I know there are a lot of techniques out there, and the object of our meditation is to train the mind to be present, allowing everything to be as is. I'm not trying to achieve anything, but what that does is it increases self-awareness by being right here, fully present. And the reason we leave our eyes open is that when you close your eyes, even though it feels more comfortable, because you're closing down one of the senses, you're not really closing down because you're still seeing the back of the eyes, right?

But it also, you know, incites more imagination, more thinking, and falling asleep, you know, if you close your eyes. So we keep it open to use this as a visual cue of the present moment, right? When your thoughts take you away, you can utilize not only the breath, but also the visual cue of being right here, okay? That's why we keep our eyes open. And if you continue to train yourself to come back, over and over again, that's the repetition that's necessary, to train our mind to come back and stay, to come back and stay, okay? That is necessary right now as a basic foundational practice to discipline our mind, to

stay and know what is, to allow everything to be as is. And the reason the energy trickles up, what do you watch your breath? What do you watch the breath? What part of the body do you watch? To know whether you're breathing in or out. On the chest. On the chest? Okay. Yeah. Try to focus on the lower abdomen. Yeah, lower abdomen right here. As you breathe in. That'll keep from that energy from going up to the end. Yeah. So, it's really a Zen practice because, Vipassana practice, they watch it right here. But we want to do it here. Because otherwise, sometimes, especially with our inquiry meditation, when we're going to, what is this? We're using a thought. We're using, you know, vitakka. Sustaining one question.

And it can bring energy up to the head. Because you start to think about it. Right? So, if you want to calm yourself, center yourself, imagine you being right here. Yeah. So, ground yourself in the lower abdomen area. It's very important to do that. So, the foundation of practice is to be right here. Fully present. And to allow everything to be as is. Whether there's a sound, sensation, thoughts.

You got to take a step back and just watch. You know? And allow everything to come and go. That's how everything just comes and goes. Anybody have experience? I'm sure everybody has experience being in the ocean, right? Being in the waves. When you're in the wave, you get hit. I remember in Hawaii. Got hit. Knocked me down. Pulled me in. You know? And as scary as it sounds, that's what a lot of the waves do. You lose control if the tide is high. In order to survive, you have to keep your head above the water, right? That's what we tend to do in our life. We keep our head above the water. All this stuff that's going on in our life. All we have to do is step out of the water.

Just watch the wave. Just witness everything that comes and goes. But we tend to jump in and get sucked into whatever it is. We get triggered by what somebody says, what happens, get stressed. It's all because we jump in there. We don't allow it to be what it is. If we need to do something about it, yes, we do something about it. We lose that control of being at peace because we allow others to choose for us how I feel. Right? Have you ever been angry or frustrated at somebody? Anybody not have experienced that? Everybody experiences that, right? But think about that. We just allow that person to take that choice away. And we're so trained that way that it's almost automatic. Somebody says something that I disagree with.

Get defensive. Get triggered. Anger. Because we gave up that choice. To them. But being present, fully awake, mindful, you can consciously choose what I'd rather be. Peaceful.

But it takes practice, right? That easy. It takes practice. It takes practice. It takes practice. And, you know, we share our practice daily journal on our band app, for those of you who don't know. And people practice, if you don't share, I don't know whether you're practicing or not. So, I can't speak for you. But people that are practicing on a daily basis, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't, you kind of win off and out. You see people like that, right? And the reason you go on and off, and I keep saying, because your intention is not powerful enough. And remember, what is our intention? What is our intention? Presence. The intention that we set is the purpose of our life. So, minimal, even if you're not seeking spiritual awakening, is to make positive impact on other people's lives.

If we set that as our intention for life, our purpose for life, okay, then it will start creating the path, the practice path for us. And if you're seeking the spiritual awakening, awakening liberation for what? To benefit others. Right? To benefit others. So this practice, if I ask you, why do you practice?

It should be about benefiting others. I mean, I can understand it. Initially, we do it because I'm suffering right now. I'm stressed out. I need this. I get that. But if you want to stay on the path, okay, go beyond just a relief, just ah, you know, of truly overcoming the habitual way of being that creates suffering, okay, and that habitual way of being that creates suffering is this me, me, me. It's about first taking care of myself. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not judging that. But when it becomes all about me, that becomes a problem and it always creates suffering. Okay? So, we have to set the intention for our practice to make positive impact on other people's lives. That's why we are practicing to be present, to be aware, to be mindful.

Okay? So, ultimately, it's about benefiting others. If that's not powerful enough, if what I'm saying right now, you feel resistance to that, well, I need this first. Remember, that's the ego. Okay? That resistance is the source of your suffering. Okay?

It means your intention that we talk about every time we meet is not empowered, it's not powerful enough. That intention to benefit others has to become more powerful than your old habitual way of being. So, every single day I encourage everyone to do the puja, right? in the morning, the ritual.

That is to reset that intention by aligning ourselves spiritually with the Buddha Dharma Sangha. Okay? And strengthening, making the vows to make that intention more powerful. To make positive impact. To be mindful and be compassionate, right? That's our daily intention, right? To be mindful and compassionate to benefit others, right?

I forget the exact purpose, but isn't that what our daily intention is? Right? Anybody remember? verbatim? And what is our bodhicitta intention? For the benefit of others, okay? We're striving to attain ultimate liberation, ultimate awakening. For the benefit of others. Not just for my own liberation.

Yeah. That's the bodhicitta. That's the bodhisattva way. Okay? That's why we have to strengthen that intention. This is why practice sometimes, you don't practice sometimes. Because you do it when it's convenient. When it's not convenient, you don't. Because it's about you. Still. It's about me.

But when your intention becomes more powerful, where everything that I do is so that I can increase my capacity and positively impact others, then you don't wind off from that. Because it's no longer about me. It's about everyone. Right? I asked that question before, right?

Why do you practice? For the benefit of others. Yeah. For the benefit of others. And if it hasn't settled in yet, then recognize that. For the views of me that are practicing, if that hasn't settled in yet, that what I'm doing, the practice that we're doing here, is about being able to make positive impact on others, then recognize that. Recognize that your ego is still too strong.

I'm not asking you to judge yourself. Just recognize that. And what are you going to do about it? Now that you know. Are you going to stay that way? Or are you going to transform? Increase that capacity to be able to make positive impact.

It's a choice. That I can't tell you to do this or that. I can show you the way. Because when you're focused on others, you will find peace and joy. It comes. Naturally. Because when you're compassionate, when you're loving, that beingness itself is already happiness.

Right? When you're loving, kind, caring, and understanding, think about that energy that you're generating. It's positive, isn't it? So it's right there with you as you're being kind, as you're caring, you know, as you're understanding instead of judging. So as you're practicing, if you want to really see

you're for yourself, whether you're practicing properly to gauge where you're at, just ask yourself, first of all, am I judging others? We all kind of do that, right? You know? Whoever that's the most annoying person in the office, whatever. That's judgment. As long as we're judging somebody negatively, recognize that.

Recognize that. That's where I am. Yes? Aren't some people just naturally negative? Let them be. Remember our practice is what? Allow everything to be. Unless you can truly, truly transform them. No. Can you change that person? I have good intentions when I go into work.

Right. I really do. And then it's just like, just shower. Because you're allowing that person to trigger you. I think it's just the whole environment. It's not even just one person. That's, that's your justification for being negative. This is what this practice should awaken you to.

Yeah. Yes, there are environments that can be like that. If it's so overwhelming that you can't find any sanity, yeah, then you should find somewhere else. But normally, typically, it's our perception that allows that. It's how we perceive. Yeah. So this practice is not about changing that environment, but it's allowing it to be what it is and see if I can find that peace within that environment.

When you can do that, then you've already found the power to choose your beingness, then you can choose also where else do I need to be based on wisdom, based on conscious choice instead of unconscious choice based on habitual way of reacting. Yeah.

So in a way, it could be a great environment for your practice. Walking in there, and say, "Okay, let's see if I get triggered today or not." No matter how negative the person is. Yeah. If I'm judging that or not. or if I can allow that person to be or not.

It has to become my choice. Yeah. And it is. It can be. Yeah. It's not easy because we have our own way of being. That's why mindfulness is about paying attention to ourself. Yeah.

Right mindfulness that we talk about is what do I feel right now? What is in my mind right now? How am I perceiving the world? Yeah. Yes. Is the goal to have equal love and compassion for all beings? Is that the, like, because I'm noticing so many differences.

Yeah. It's because you still have this I-ness. Yeah. So, ultimately, we want to dissolve this ego. Because as long as there's I, there's somebody else, right? And then, I feel love for this person. I don't love as much for this person. Those differences, discrimination happens because of this ego.

But when you truly see the nature of the reality, all of these are my projection, even this self. Right? No? So it would be a different, once that change happens, it's almost like it would just. Yeah, so the compassion, the true compassion will arise when you actually realize, gain insight into how we're all one ocean. It's just an analogy, just a wave. We're all different waves of one ocean, but because we don't realize that, we try to increase the boundaries of meanness through compassion work, okay? That's why compassion is something we have to work at for now, okay? You have to work on compassion, being kind, being caring, being loving. It takes work right now because there's me and you, me and those people that are negative, okay? When you see the reality, like when, like we did the experiment, when I become nothing, when you realize that I am nothingness, then you realize I am also everything, because you are the substratum, the context, the screen for everything that exists. That you is without any identity, means there's no boundary. The only reason we have boundary between me and others is because that's what we're projected to be. Yes, if you have like chaos in your environment,

whether it be general clutter or are prone to anger, or basically, I guess, living in the past or the future, like, I think these seem to be things that I come up against. Like, I don't see myself as being typically, like, I'm a kind-hearted person. I'm not generally anger. I think I'm pretty relaxed and passive a lot of the time, but there comes a point where, you know, I got a toddler that's like throwing stuff, you know, my wife is like upset with me, and then something's nagging me from the past, so I'm not able to be present, and then I trip to anger, and it sometimes expresses itself and it causes like a collateral damage, if you will. And this is something that it's gotten a lot better, but it's still, it's like, I, I guess my question is, I'd like you to talk a little bit about anger and sort of what it means, and is it okay to be angry, and how, how do you sort of cope with? Yeah, so all of the things you mentioned, it's pretty typical. Yeah. Believe it or not, everybody has that issue, a little bit of different story, but there's always people around them, you know, that creates that chaos, right? Or triggers that anger. It's because we are always trying to look at the source of that we call suffering, the stress, anger, anxiety, frustration, all of that, as outside. The source of it all is out there, the problem is out there, because we are always looking outward for all information. But it's all really happening within our own mind. Just don't realize it yet. This is where this practice will take you. And anger, just like any other negative energy, but anger typically actually has a really heavy negative energy, more so than frustration. And anger, where we use the analogy is, anger is like taking poison and wishing the other person to die. Makes no sense, right?

Anger only destroys yourself. Yeah, so how do you not become angry? Take that choice back, like we talked about. Choose consciously my own beingness moment to moment. But in order to choose, you have to be first aware, right? Of yourself. What am I feeling right now?

What am I seeing right now? What, you know, what am I experiencing right now? All of those, you have to be very mindful moment to moment to catch yourself being triggered and decide, I'm not going to react anymore, I'm going to do whatever it is beneficial for this, okay? There's no right and wrong, there's no judgment. It's just, you can ask the question, though, is this beneficial?

is this positive? is it life supporting? basically the question what do I do now? okay that's where all this

Practice leads to, because we're unconsciously living a life that we're always reacting to everything that's happening without even knowing. It's automatic reaction, and automatically blame others for what's wrong, because everything that we're experiencing, okay, if we take the responsibility for our own experiences, because that's how karma works. Karma is not good and bad. It's not a punishment, it's not a reward. It's just stacked up energy based on past choices that we made, comes to fruition when the conditions are met, right? That's karma. And it's still happening continuously. Everything is happening, right? Everything comes and goes, just like the thoughts, just like the sound comes and goes based on the supporting conditions, okay? That's what karma is. So everything you're experiencing right now is based on the choices we made. It's just the consequences or manifestation of energy that we have created and we have chosen to experience. This is why you can't blame anybody else, because I put myself in this position. You choose to be here, so you have to listen to me, or you can choose to stand up and leave. It's a choice, right?

You have a choice moment to moment, and those choices add up. It adds up to create an experience. That's how karma works, okay? Just like your body that you're experiencing is a result of all the past choices you made, right? Okay? Even the DNA information stored there through all your ancestors, and we receive that and then add on additional choices and things that we learn, we see, receive, and all based on how I perceive and how I decide to do. But a majority of the choices that you make are made unconsciously. That's why you don't know what leads to what. You're just experiencing. Does that make sense?

So first we have to accept, we have to take responsibility for our own life. When you do that fully, then you can become master of your life by choosing consciously what I would rather experience. Okay, so all the difficulties and obstacles we face, it's something that has been created in the past. So there's no one to blame, not even yourself. It's just choices that's been made moment to moment. You're making choices, believe it or not, even though you're not consciously thinking about it. It's like one ten thousandth of a second you're making choices. Even if you're standing, just by doing nothing, you're still making choices. Not making choices also a choice.

Okay, so we're making choices all the time. That's the ability that we have, to choose, but you choose it unconsciously. That's the problem. That's why we want to be awake, conscious of the choices that I'm making. Despite being in that environment, there's still things you can be grateful for, right?

Right? Especially when you're talking about work environment, it can be negative, but still you can be grateful for at least having a job that other people are trying to struggle to find, to pay the bill, you know, to be able to help others. So this is why our intention has to become powerful, more powerful than what it is right now. To dedicate my life, to dedicate my life for the benefit of others. It's not about just, you know, being subservient. It's not about succumbing to others. No, it's about being effective at benefiting others, being positive, making positive impact. How can I make positive impact with those negative people? First of all, don't judge them as negative. Have compassion for those people who have no choice other than being that way because they're unconscious. They're suffering. The reason people are negative and they're causing suffering to others is because they're suffering. They're ignorant of their choices that they're making. They don't know the karma that's going to follow them and create that consequences in their life. So we can be compassionate towards those people that are, even though they're, they're harmful to others, you know, we can still pray for them. That's why we practice this unconditional love, unconditional compassion. The reason we can't do that is because I'm still focused on me, to be truly honest, be able to look at that. And so how do I change that?

By setting that intention every day that I exist, the purpose of my existence is to benefit others positively, to make positive impact. No matter what your job is, no matter what you do, even if you're retired, how do I make a positive impact on other people's lives? Because we come across people here and there no matter what. Even if you're in the grocery shop, you know, how can I lend a hand?

That's why I'm encouraging everyone to do random acts of kindness, right? Because that way you look, what can I do? Instead of just go through the entire day just focused on me, me, me, me, me. But that's the source of suffering. That's what we're trying to waken up to, to realize that all suffering, all suffering comes from my own craving, my desires and my aversions. Yeah. And those people shower you with this negativity is because of my aversion. Yeah. So it's not their negativity, it's my perception of it and how I judge it. Yeah. That's what we have to come to realize. It's hard, yes, I get that, because we're still focused on me in my old way of being. That's why intention, intention, intention. Intention before you go to bed to make positive impact on other people's lives. Making promise to the three jewels, Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, every morning as you pay reverence and respect, that I will become awakened for the benefit of others. I will, I will exist to make positive impact on other people's lives. That has to become the intention. Otherwise we're always going to be looking for easy way out, what's more convenient for me, and then you end up the path of suffering.

Yeah, and that's why you're experiencing some of those, because of those choices we made in the past just for me. Even though there's a temporary pleasure that we experience, there's always that other side of that coin. Every pleasure we seek, every pleasure you experience, okay, there's the other side of it that you must experience. Okay, that's the truth that a lot of people don't want to accept, right? Every pleasure we seek has the other side of it. That's the, that's the world of duality we live in. Until we transcend that duality, we must experience the other side of that pleasure. It comes together just like a coin. You can't just accept the front side of the coin and reject the back side of the coin. Are you telling me that every time I smoke a cigar I'm going to have a nightmare?

laughter is that the other side of that? I mean, I find pleasure in the occasional nicotine or tobacco intake and I sometimes grapple with, like, does it affect my peace? and I have questions about it yeah, so if you refuse, if you're not allowed to, what would happen?

If you want it and you can't do it, you'd be agitated, right? A little bit of discomfort. Yeah, that discomfort comes along with that pleasure. Whatever we want, whatever we enjoy, when we don't have it there's agitation in the mind. Maybe not at the equal, perception-wise it may not look like it's equal, but those agitations add up. It turns into anger. All of those agitation turns into frustration. All of those agitations turn into judgments against others. So even though we feel happy for that moment that we, that gratification of that pleasure that we sought, there's absence of that gratification, right?

That's the, that's the discomfort that we must experience, absence of pleasure. That's the duality that we're living. But we're always seeking pleasure, thinking that by achieving this, by having this, by eating this, you know, I'm going to be happy. But remember, for that pleasure there's absence of pleasure we have to experience. And you say, okay, well then I'll just keep going, you know, you know, because of the absence I'm going to seek, because of the absence I'm going to seek. You see the repetitiveness? That's the repetition that we are in, the trap of this continual rat race to find pleasure, to satisfy my needs. But it doesn't satisfy your needs, does it?

If it did, then you wouldn't have to do it again. But because you're facing that absence of that pleasure, you have to keep going over and over. It's never satisfying. With seeking happiness or pleasure? Like, I'm confused with that. No, pleasure and happiness is different, unless you equate that to happiness, and I'm telling you that's an illusion. If you think just having that moment of pleasure, right, let's say you take a drug or alcohol and you're like, oh, I feel good, finally, you know, it's an escape. Now you have to face absence of it because it's impermanent, right? All those pleasures are impermanent. The true happiness that I'm wishing upon you is through wisdom and compassion, to be able to see that I can't never be, I can never be satisfied because I can't have anything, is the wisdom, because everything is impermanent, right? Law of impermanence. Everything is transitory, right? That's law of impermanence. Everything is conditional. There is nothing that is independently of self. Everything is conditioned by supporting conditions, right? So conditions always change too. So everything is temporarily conditional, so it comes and goes, comes and goes. But we are in illusion to think that I can have that. And I keep using the reference to the cool breeze that you enjoy, but you don't try to hold on to it. But that's how everything is. Look, look

at your past. Where is it? Where is your past? Whether it's 30 or 40 or 50, you know, however many years, it's gone. That just, where did that happen? Where did that go? It just disappeared. It's no longer, it doesn't exist. It doesn't matter if it's 80 years, 40 years, 50 years. That's how transitory our life is, like that. That's how fast our life is transitory. But our memory makes it create this illusion, perception of this long-lasting life, as if it's gonna last forever. On your deathbed you look back and it's too late to realize that. Realize that now, to start to let go all those grips that we have, and those grips we grasp on things momentarily. Okay, because all those things you have attached to right now, as you're listening to me, you weren't holding on to them. Only when you remember to hold on to it, you'll hold on to it again, right?

Think about something like your pet. As soon as you think about it, it's now become precious. But just a moment ago, before I mentioned it, it wasn't even in your mind. It did not exist. So it doesn't, you're not grasping at it until you think of it in your mind. So you're creating that object in your mind, and you're doing this as soon as you think of it, simultaneously. That's why we have to become mindful, to be present, focus on what I need to do now, instead of just continuously falling into this illusion of being able to hold on to something. What are you going to take with you when you die?

All these precious things you have, what can you take with you? Only thing that's going to go is that karmic energy that's going to create another formation, another manifestation, because that's what karmic energies do, right? You don't know what you're going to become next life, but you can kind of get a sense by looking at this life now. Yeah, so that's why we have to be awake, conscious, become conscious moment to moment. And it takes practice. And why we practice it? Because of that intention. Because when we start focusing on others, when we start spending energy like volunteering and helping, okay, we're generating positive karmic energy, and that's what you're going to experience. That's what you're manifesting. You are, you are consciously manifesting positive energy by not judging others, by being kind, caring and understanding of all those people that are suffering. Everyone suffering out there, no matter how much money they have. Look at all those billionaires. They're afraid of what they're going to lose. They got to walk around security guards. They live in fear, take sleeping pills at night. Okay, everyone's suffering, everyone's suffering, everyone's suffering. But now you have a tool to be free from that suffering. What is that tool?

Our practice, to be present, to choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice. Peace, yeah. And how do I define it? Peace of mind, joyful heart. Peace of mind comes when you let go, when you allow things to be. No matter how chaotic it is, if you allow that to be, you're at peace. But if you want it to be different, then you have to fight that. There's a conflict, there's confrontation, there's no peace. But you allow them to be without judging them as negative. Just okay, that's just who they are. If they could be better, they would be better. If they knew better, they would be better. They don't, even if they don't, they don't know how to change. We do. We know by paying attention and being focused on making positive impact on other people's lives. I'm not asking you to be a nice person. We just need to be happy, create positive energy so you can benefit. By being compassionate, you are the one who's benefiting. Is that agreeable?

when you're loving you're energetically at a positive state why not enjoy being loving instead of wanting something back you know that's transactional love that everybody gets engaged in that because I did this for you how dare you do that to me you know that whole transaction thing that's what causes suffering because I want something back for me me, me, me, me, me, me and if I ask you what is that me?

anybody know? anybody know? you don't know what that is and just claim it as me and then you suffer right? isn't that isn't that funny? kinda? just continue to claim me, me, me, me, me but I want to ask you tell me what that is it's just a thought just an illusory thought so you also mentioned that as you become more mindful things all those things will come up because it's always been there now you're able to see it consciously just recognize that that's why you use the word recognize allow it to be then you're at peace we're over time so I was going to give an example but you guys want to go home, right?

Give the example. Huh? Give the example. Well, I go to, I go to the gym to use the hot tub because I have bad joints. I need to, you know, go inside the hot water in order to loosen up the tight. And also I activate all the needles that are inside me. I have a, I have a actual needles inside me, acupuncture needles, and I'm sitting there watching just bubbles, you know, because the waters, the hot tub check coming out, the water flow, just watching it, just watching it, just watching it. That's life, that's karma. And what am I?

Just witnessing. Yeah, so you can, your true essence, that awareness of what is. That's how we are, just witnessing. So be that. Return to just witnessing yourself first. Just by focusing on yourself, you can become enlightened. You don't have to focus on anything else. First focus on your body, sensation, feelings, thoughts and your perception, how you're perceiving. Just be mindful of that. That's the right mindfulness. That's the establishment of mindfulness, or establishment of mindfulness that Buddha directly taught. Okay, and it's hard to do because we have our own habitual way of being, and in order to break out of that, okay, you have to set the intention.

For others. Okay, make sense? Any questions? Okay, so we're gonna end this with our metta loving-kindness prayer. So let's bring our palms together. Let's think about all sentient beings, all that's out there. May all beings be safe. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be joyful. May all beings be joyful. May all beings awaken to their true nature. May all beings awaken to their true nature. May all beings be free. May all beings be free. Have a great evening.