Let Them Be

How's everyone doing? Good. How was the meditation? Challenging. Challenging? Yeah. It's the same for everyone. You're not the only one. So what was challenging for you? Hearing your words instead of my thoughts. Yeah. The whole point of this early meditation is to train the mind. And by trying to stay with the breath, you recognize how your mind, your thoughts are always taking it away, right? Yeah. That's the first awareness that you gain from meditating. It's how chaotic our mind can become or how uncontrollable it is. So we're not trying to control the mind. We're simply disciplining it initially to stay right here in the present moment. Why do we need to stay in the present moment? Why do we need to stay in the present moment? So I can be aware. You can be aware.

You're either more in the past or more in the future. If you start to notice your thinking patterns, a lot of people, a lot of busy people tend to be in the future. That's where the anxiety comes from. Fear, all of that. Thinking. Imagine something that doesn't exist. Something that doesn't exist. But when you're in the past, you're regretting our traumas that you've experienced in the past. You're still reliving it. Reliving something that

doesn't exist anymore. Right? The past doesn't exist. Future doesn't exist, but we're spending too much energy on something that doesn't exist. So it's not beneficial. So by being present, you know, ultimately we're trying to increase our awareness of ourself. Right? We all have lived our life without much paying attention to ourself. We're always looking out for everything. Because, look at our senses. Where do they locate? Eyes, ears, nose, nose. Now, all of our senses, five senses, receive information from them. We're always looking outside for solutions, for problems, you know, to blame. That's why we're always reacting to what's going on and to the people, relationships. That's why we're

always suffering. The negative energy. We're always reacting to the negative energy. We're allowing other people, other situations to dictate how I feel inside. And how I feel, who I am, how I show up, should be my choice. Right? No? Anybody listen? So that's what we're doing. Yeah. We're training that mind initially for foundational practice to come back to stay. The benefit you get is at least you learn to focus and you increase your concentration. Yeah. So that's about the level that I teach at West Point when I go up there and teach the cadets to meditate. Is first learn to concentrate because you can become more effective and efficient. And also teach them that I share with you all that we've got to have one main purpose for life is to make positive impact on other people's lives. Right? If we set that as our purpose, our intention for our life, our life becomes much more meaningful.

And what we do, what we try to achieve, is different. Right? We're increasing our capacity. There's nothing wrong with making money and, you know, achieving different levels of success. But why are you doing that? If it's just to get that, get that trophy, then you're going to have to deal with this conflict, competition, you know, confrontation, this negative energy that is involved in achieving just that. Just that. But if you're doing it to increase your capacity to be able to make positive

impact, then you're starting on a positive path towards positive experiences. So from worldly level of finding peace and joy, we can get those benefits by being more altruistic, being more kind, being more understanding. We can benefit directly from that. But if you want to answer that question that I threw out there, what is this? What is this I? Then we have to go one step further to gain the true insight into what I am. Did anybody find that answer? Did anybody get the answer while we're meditating? No? What am I? It's not this ever-changing body, right? This is, you can consider it my body, but it's not really your body either. It's just a body we're experiencing. It's just a karmic formation. What about the mind?

Where is the mind, by the way? Where is your mind? Do you know where your mind is? Do you? You don't know? That's a good answer. You've got to first admit that you don't know. So, you can't claim my body as me, you can't claim this mind as me, then what are you claiming when you say "me"? What is that "I" when you say "me, myself, and I"? You know, when you start claiming things "mine", who is that that owns anything, right? That's the next level. Well, that's the highest level, actually. So right now, everybody in here, we all need to discipline the mind. That's why it takes commitment and consistency. Commitment and consistency.

So, this all sounds good, conceptually, but as soon as you walk out the door, if you go back to your old way of being, then it doesn't benefit. How many of you that's been practicing, say this is beneficial? So, it takes practice to really benefit from this. It's not just, you know, magical words that I throw out there that's going to benefit you. Even if you agree, it's not going to benefit you, it's just a concept, it's just an ideal until we apply it in our lives, to make it beneficial.

So, in a way, you have to do all the work. I'm just showing you the path. Path to peace and joy. Which is, the way I define happiness, is peace of mind and joyful heart.

Peace of mind. Peace of mind is when you can let go of those negative reactions to allow things to be as is. Joyful heart is when we can bring joy to others. The joy that comes from bringing joy to others is a true, joyful heart.

So pretty simple, right? So what we have to do is be kind, caring, and try to understand what is this that I am. That's the wisdom aspect. So wisdom and compassion goes together in our practice. So today I want to kind of open up for any questions. I want to create a little bit more room for questions and answers today. And yeah, if you have any questions in the practice, it's time to ask.

it's stressful, you know, practicing and knowing that you want to get further. And then you have people in your life that know how to push your buttons. And to a point you can start to work the practice, but then the habit kicks back and you just, you know, it's hard not to...

I don't know if it takes more practice or you just gotta step away from those people or leave the route, like, I don't know what to do when it gets so bad. I want to, like, start work. And you're pretty sure that's not part of the practice? No, I don't think that's it.

She just pushes and pushes and pushes. Well, first of all, you know, you have to admit that you're in that situation that you created. Something you have to first admit, right? It's your own creation. Everything that you experience, everything that we experience is our own creation.

My other daughter is not fresh like that. Huh? My other daughter is not fresh like that. Well, that's also your, you know, your creation. Everything is our creation. We have to start there. Then accept that as is. That's what we're continuing to train our mind. To accept things as is. Right? So, um, just become more aware how reactive I am.

And they don't have to trigger you. You're just allowing them to trigger you. It just takes time. It takes time. You've gone very, uh, far with your practice since the beginning. And more and more we practice, more and more of those obstacles will come.

Like I told you from the beginning. Okay? If you're not feeling any obstacles, everything's smooth and dandy, you're probably not practicing properly.

It's just, that's just not like this. If you're truly sincere and you're practicing, all those events, all those karmic debts will start to arise to make you practice or give up. If you run away from that, you're giving up. You have to look at all events, especially those negative events, as an opportunity to apply what we're practicing.

That way you can overcome that obstacle. Otherwise, they will consume you and a lot of people tend to give up because of those distractions. So spiritual path starts with the intention. It starts with the intention that to make a positive impact on other people's lives is one relative level. If you get to the spiritual level, it's about full, complete awakening, liberation, and benefit of others, right? That's the bodhicitta intention that we recite, right? Every morning in our puja.

So with that in mind, you have now a path. To stay on the path or not, you know, it's a choice. It's a choice. And there are people with one foot in the door, one foot out in the door, okay? So that's why they struggle.

And if you're fully committed, then you make every aspect of your life as your practice. So you welcome that. If they start going off on you, start triggering all these buttons, it's because you have the button to be pushed. Right? So recognize that. Recognize that.

So it's not them, it's me being triggered. That's hard, I know it's hard, but that's the practice. Then start looking inward. What am, you know, what is that button?

Why am I reacting the way I'm reacting, right? Somebody triggered you. It's okay. I'm upset. What is it about what just happened that's triggering me? What was it? Disrespect. Disrespect. Okay. A person, fresh, knowing things done. What if you were just allowed her to be that one?

Whether it's disrespectful or not. Being disrespectful is based on your expectation of how respectful she should be, right? Right? Right. Yeah. She should be this way. She's not this way. She shouldn't be constantly. Okay. That's true. That's true. Right? That's a judgment that she needs to be doing this versus that.

But did you control that? Are you able to control it by reacting negatively? Oh, no. Yeah. So you're not benefiting. So your reaction is not benefiting. That's what it is. But the more I'm calm and present, the more she pushes. That's fine. And now, can I just... Yeah. Let it be. Let it be. So thank you.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I bet you said that. No, you don't say it to me. I'm talking about it in your mind. Because you're igniting additional ego. So when the ego is strong, and you're fighting with your ego, then it's just a confrontation of ego. That's all it is. So recognize that when people are triggering me, it's just their ego.

Right? So recognize that, and then just don't allow your ego to go in that conflict, confrontation. Okay? That's why we always have to pay attention to ourselves. Not about them.

You know? That's causing this thing we're talking about. No matter what they do, what they say. Remember the story I told you about the Tibetan monk? Right? He was tortured for 20 years. Every single day. You know? And his biggest fear was losing his compassion towards that soldier who was torturing him.

That was his fear. That he was so painful that he may lose that compassion. That's how much you can control your own beingness. I say beingness. How you react. How you respond. It's based on your beingness. That's why we're trying to transform our beingness. From our old way of being, which is reactive, negative, judgmental.

No matter how nice you are, we all had that, right? To let that go. To be free from that. That's when liberation comes. That's when peace of mind comes. When you're going to allow the people to be, okay, got it. It doesn't mean you become passive to that.

You know? Okay, whatever you want to do, you know? Just do what you need to do, say what you need to say, to draw the line if necessary, but you don't do it out of negative emotion. You do it because it's necessary, based on discernment versus judgment.

Does that make sense? But a lot of times when we get triggered, we're like, "Oh, yeah?" You know? "Oh, yeah?" Right? Everybody felt that, right? "You said that to me, I'm going to say this back to you, you know? Are you being rude to me? You distract me? Fine." You know? "Oh, yeah?"

That's what we're doing. That's the ego. And what that does is it creates this friction. That creates ill will. Ill will. Ill will is, I'm going to get you back for that, you know?

"Oh, yeah? See if I'm ever nice to you ever again. If I ever do this for you ever again." So how do you bring love and compassion into that, into that situation when someone is in your face, being ugly, disrespectful? How do you bring peace to that?

You gotta first let them be. That's understanding, right? Kind, caring, and understanding, right? That's loving. Being loving is being kind, caring, and understanding. Understand that's who they are. That's who they are. Whatever influences the head as they grow up, all the karmic formation has manifested into who they are.

So, I can't change them. Gotta first accept that you can't change anybody, not even your daughters, right? You can't change anybody. So, let that go. Let them be. Pay attention to what's going on in my mind. And if I'm reacting to that, then you're at the same level.

But if you say, "Okay, it doesn't affect me. I found my peace." So, let them be. They'll do whatever they need to be, you know, to exert that energy. They'll get frustrated because you're not reacting to them, but let them be. Whatever happens, let them be.

And just focus on, "What do I do now that's beneficial?" Ask yourself, "What do I do now that's beneficial?" If it is to remove yourself from that situation, then do it. If it is just sit there and just let them be, ignore them, then that must be. But you have to be able to determine that based on your discernment, based on your wisdom.

But that wisdom comes when you are calm, centered, present, and be able to assess the situation as is. Maybe she was upset by something else, but I just happened to be her punching bag. You know, to let it all out. That's when the compassion can be opened up and say, "Okay, go ahead. Use me as your punching bag. Let that frustration out." You know, sometimes that's what you have to do. Like the story I told you when I was in Iraq, with my boss.

Just allow them to do that, while sending a lot of energy of compassion, you know, like we do. And I hope you find true happiness. And I was just praying inside while I was younger. So, it's a choice. Our beingness is our choice.

Okay. Try that and you'll see. You don't have to react. Yes? I noticed that you said you were praying inside. Is that something that's, you know, kind of good to do? Because we meditate and we are able to acknowledge a warmness or a pain whenever something is going on on the outside. Sometimes when I'm with my family, I see them, things happen and they go at one another and scream and complain about things, I listen. Sometimes you want to respond and say, "Hey, it's not really how you see it. It's really like this is the truth of us." But maybe perhaps in the past when you are trying to do that, it angers them. Or, you know, they don't want to, they don't want to listen.

So maybe if something happened and you did say something, of course, it maybe perhaps made perfect sense, but they didn't accept it. And so the next time you just make the decision that you just keep quiet. So that's what I mean by maybe saying some prayers, because you know that what happened that the last time, and that it's best to keep quiet. You know, there's nobody within my family that I travel with or I'm around whenever we're in a group that is practicing. And so I found that you know, a lot of times I have to do that. Yeah. Just be quiet. Yeah. As a practitioner, dealing with people that are not practicing, that doesn't know, you just have to allow them to be. I mean, a lot of times when they're complaining, they just want acknowledgement.

You know, so sometimes you just acknowledge them. You don't agree with, but you can still acknowledge their feelings. You know, their complaints, you know, you don't add to it. You say, "Okay,

I see how you can feel that way." You know, and validate their feelings for them. Acknowledge and validate your feelings. Just let it be. Yeah. But you don't have to get into that conversation, right? And just let them be. And if there's nothing else you can do, then we can still pray for them. Praying, uh, praying in Buddhism is not like any other religion. Um, there are people who pray for themselves, but, um, based on the wisdom and compassion practice of the Buddha, uh, we are praying for all beings. Anytime we pray, we should be praying for all beings. Okay? Because that expands our boundaries. So, and then you can also pray, include them as you're praying for all beings. So you're sitting there, they're complaining, and there's nothing else you can do. Just pray for their peace. May you find true peace and joy.

May you find true happiness through wisdom and compassion. So at least you're not perturbed when you do that, right? And you get triggered and perturbed when we start seeing their behaviors, and we start to judge that as, oh, it shouldn't be, you know. Only if you knew better, you know. Even that's a judgment. Just fully embrace them as they are. And in fact, you know, visualize you just embracing them. That's okay. That's okay. You know, may you find true happiness through wisdom and compassion. And maybe someday they will. Maybe through your light that you're radiating, you know, that they will. And just kind of, not hoping, but sending out positive energy, which is beneficial than reaction, like, oh, I can't stand it. I'm just gonna run away or just not say something, but in your mind you're just like, deterred, you know?

So our beingness is our state of mind. Our state of mind determines everything.

Because our mind is the creator of all that is. All of our experiences are happening in our mind, created by our mind. That's all there is. I know it's hard to see that right now, but that's the truth. When you start to study your mind, you'll see that right now you're listening to me, and you're interpreting what I'm saying in your own mind. That's why everybody's hearing different things right now. Everybody's understanding it's different. It's a different filtering system that's happening within your own mind. And that's what you're experiencing. That's what you're going to take away. And your mind is going to decide whether I'm going to practice or not. That's what's creating this karmic flow.

So when you transcend all these worldly things and be able to see, everything's just a flow. A flow of karmic energy manifesting. And when that supporting conditions are no longer, it dissipates, and something else rises. Everything's just a flow. You don't see that, you know? You hear the sound.

Without any supporting condition, there's no sound. I just added that supporting karmic energy. That's karma right there. When there's no longer the energy to support that sound, what happens? It goes away. That's the process of karma. That's all it is. Simply put. But the reason karma is so complicated to explain it is because there's so many variables, different karmic energy involved in creating, manifesting what we experience.

There's no speck of dust right here in front of me. It happened to be right here as I put my finger on it. It's only there because the entire universe was involved.

That's how it's complex. But at least when we understand that, we try to become more positive with what we say, what we do, and what we think, then you're going to experience more positive life experiences. Yes? So it is true. I'm asking. I grew up in Christianity. Mm-hmm. And they say, you reap what you sow. Mm-hmm. It was said, but I didn't really know. Yeah. And I feel that it was so important, you know, like I do now. So it is true that, like, now that I feel that it is everything. Mm-hmm. And so it affects, um, you know, my thoughts, my actions. Mm-hmm. So it is true that it is- Yes. It is more important than what I thought it was. Yeah, it is.

It is. It is true. Very simplified way of explaining karma. But yes, that is karma, you know? When you plant apple seed, what are you gonna get? Apple. That's it. That's how simple it is. But it's complex because what we're experiencing, even now, let's say your body, you're experiencing your body right now, right?

What created that body to be what it is right now in this present moment? There's infinite variables that's in there, right? We can, we can, you know, lump it up as what we eat, what we do, what we think, okay? But there's billions of cells that are supporting this life.

And there's other conditions that are supporting that cell to be existing. Everything has supporting conditions, two or more supporting conditions, and those supporting conditions has its supporting conditions, has its supporting conditions, has its supporting conditions. I could do this all day. And this entire universe will be involved.

Yes, ma'am. While we're on the subject of karma, could you say a little bit more about karmic debt? Karmic death. Yeah, it's just also expression, you know, we can look at it as positive karma, negative karma, based on what we prefer, you know, and we look at it more as is it life-supporting or life-destroying, you know, or sometimes neutral.

Karmic debt is what we look at as versus karmic merit. Anything that we do positively, we're vibrating in an energy, a positive energy. What we say, do, and think actually generates energy that you may not be able to see, okay? And that energy can be considered categorized as a positive karmic merit or negative karmic debt, right? So all those, you know, come in play and then creates, manifests as experiences.

So when you have done something in the past that are creating karmic debt, negative karma, we have to experience it no matter what. The positive energy that we create doesn't negate it. It just lessens the impact. You know, I use the analogy, Buddha uses the analogy. You know, if I gave you a teaspoon of salt and a shot glass, that would taste pretty, salty, right? A shot glass of water. But if you took the same teaspoon of salt and do it in the lake, you jumped into the lake, you probably wouldn't even taste that salt, right? It's the same thing. That's why we want to create a lake of positive energy. So those negative things that we had in the past, are not as impactful.

But we all still have to experience it, because it stays right here. Everything stays with you. It's not a boomerang. It just stays. It's that energy that you created. It's accumulating to moment to moment to moment to moment to moment. It's just accumulating.

And it comes also from prior lifetimes? Yes. So imagine infinite lifetimes you had. That's pretty scary. Were they all in the human realm? Huh? Were they all in the human realm? No. In all different realms. Okay. But what's important is, um, what we're trying to become liberated, really, is from our karma.

Everything is karma, from, from this whole karmic way of living, karmic samsara, you know, Buddhist, Buddhism called samsara, this circulation of, you know, manifesting into human realm, animal realm, you know, God realm, you know, to hell realm, there's six realms, right, you know? Asura realms, there's six different realms, and that's just used as a symbolic, how, um, we're always manifesting based on our karmic, you know?

So, there are, you can't count the number of lives you had, and the ultimate goal of Buddha's teaching is to become liberated from nirvana, that's what nirvana is, nirvana is turning off the light of that cycle, over and over again. And is that something that you rise up, assuming you go up, with good acts? Yeah, so good merits, good deeds, accumulates, the next life, you could be a, you know, you could be a celestial being, some heavenly world, and there are like many levels of heavenly world, too. But the problem is, the reason Buddha mentioned that, because that, that theology already existed before his time, uh, in the, uh, Brahmin, Brahminism back then. But the reason he mentioned that, is not to promote celestial life. It's to say that even in celestial life, it's going to

end at certain point. It's, it's long, like several eons, you know. But at certain point, you're still gonna have to end it, it, it, it dissipates, and you have to come back. So you always circulate, you know, to different realms. And what he was saying is, become free from that. Because nothing is permanent. You know, everything is conditional. Become free from that. Because a lot of times you don't even have say in the karma that you're producing because you don't even know. You're ignorant of what I'm saying right now is producing positive or negative karma until you become more conscious. Because everybody lives unconscious life. The majority of people are. And you're just creating all this karma that you don't even know the effects of, and you're creating it. And the reason you're living the life you're living now is from the past karma, but you don't remember it, right? You don't remember what caused all this, so you just have to accept it, right? So we're ultimate, ultimate liberation is

liberation from this cyclical life, life and death, life and death. You made me flesh on the visual of like a black hole where it's almost a void of, so if you're, if you're whirling around this cosmic, karmic energy, and then suddenly you're free from it. Mm-hmm.

It's the end of everything. You know, nirvana is described in using words as deathless, unborn, unborn, deathless, permanent, bliss. Without consciousness? Without consciousness? Oh, we don't need consciousness. Consciousness is created by ignorance. Let's get a little deep-diving show.

The ignorance of what? The truth. So, Buddhism is really devotion to the truth. Not devotion to the Buddha. You know, we're not praying to the Buddha for my own salvation. It's devotion to the truth that's going to liberate you. Because once you see that, you even get a glimpse in it, you see that everything here is so empty of inherent nature. Why hold on to all this? Because holding on, attachment, only creates this circular, you know, circulation in the samsaric world.

But, yeah. Do you feel, when you are in the presence of your teacher, do you feel a difference in their presence? Do you feel different in yourself? Because we are the mirror, right, of everything that we see, we're interpreting it, but when you were, uh, when you were studying with your teachers, did you perceive them differently? Was that your mind perceiving it? It's the mind that's perceiving it

differently. Because you know, you know, you recognize there are different levels, but it's your own mind creating resonance. And it's good to do that, because that way you follow the path. And that's why, first thing we're taught when I became a monk is, "Yes, me." Which means, "Yes, Venerable."

Whatever you tell me to do, I will do. That's the only way you're going to stay on the path, because your ego is going to come up. Especially those people that are spiritually, you know, practicing. It's so easy to develop spiritual ego, right? So they can't stand sitting here, going through a different type of practice, as you can, as you know.

And I've seen that too many times. Their cup's not empty. They're full of the knowledge, you know? So I can't help you if you can't say yes and follow the direction. That's why I emphasize so much in the daily practice guideline, the reflection we do daily, because it creates consistency. And if you follow that, if you do what I'm telling you, you're taking the prescription. We're not just a teacher, but we're trying to also heal you, right? So it's almost like a doctor's role. You're prescribing certain guidelines, and you have to follow that in order to be on the path together. That's why Sangha is so important too, that you guys support each other in this practice. Because this path, is not, you're right. The more you make the effort, all that's coming, that will arise.

It's really your own māra, your own obstacles, that are going to turn you and distract you away. It's what you do with that. And you need Sangha to do that. You need a teacher. You need

the right environment to practice, practice, practice. Okay? That makes sense? Mm-hm. Yes? When you talked about the main ways to control your ego, you said that one of them is to accept the other person as who they are and is accepted. Is there another principle that you would apply to controlling your ego, or is that kind of this general idea when you're... What do you mean? So that's like one advice. Yeah, yeah. To accept the other person, but is there another way of thinking to control your ego, or is that like the central main idea? It's not the thinking, it's seeing my ego. And then controlling that by accepting the other person is what you're saying. Yeah. Or you allow them to be because you can't change them anyways.

Okay? And you're paying more attention to yourself, that my reactions are ego-based. My ego-based. It's nothing to do with them triggering me. It's my ego that's reacting. Because this is what I think it should be and shouldn't be. Right? Yeah. So we need to reflect on my ego and take a look at that. And that's how you're going to dissipate that ego. Yeah, it comes out internally instead of like... Yeah. Right. It's all internal. All the reaction happens in our own mind. Yeah, we can always blame others. It's so easy to blame others, the circumstances. Didn't work out the way I want it. You know? All of those. But it's really... It all stems from... Right here. Yeah. The entire life experiences are created within.

Yeah. Take a look. You don't have to take my word for it. Take a look. Take a look and start learning more about yourself. That's the self-awareness practice. That's all you really need to do is pay attention to yourself. Pay attention to yourself. You know?

How am I showing up? What kind of attitude do I have towards people around me, the circumstances around me? Yeah. And I know it's not as easy as we talk about it. That's why we are practitioners, right? We're practicing. We're practicing by paying attention. Can you just walk through the RAIN acronym? RAIN? RAIN. That doesn't apply to his question. Yeah. You already know that. Yeah, but it's so helpful. It is? Yeah. Okay. For you? For everybody. Okay, for all. For everybody. Yeah. So I'll answer that if somebody needs that. Okay. Okay. What else? What else? What else? I'm reading the book, The Paramitas. Which book is that? You say you practice your Paramitas. What book are you reading? I think it's The Six Paramitas. Okay.

I don't have a physical book. I use a Kindle. Okay. But I think a few weeks ago, whenever you started to give us the teaching, I said, let me just dig into it. Okay. I meant to ask you what are you studying when you say you're studying Paramitas. Yeah. Yeah. It's the book where they go from chapter to chapter from one to six, I think. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean to ask you what are you studying when you say you're studying Paramitas. Yeah. Yeah. It's the book where they go from chapter to chapter from one to six, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm a little bit easier on myself because I think I had this idea in my mind that when I started to practice then, you know, a lot of anger and stuff like that that I felt in different situations that it was just supposed to like kind of go away.

Mm-hmm. And now I've accepted that there's certain things, certain triggers based on my beliefs that that happened. And I still, I still feel, I still sense the anger whenever it happens. Yeah. One particular situation that I started from months ago and that it would happen and I would, you know, I would look at it and I would just call, cause a disappointment and the anger that I would feel about something that someone was doing at work. And I would just take a deep breath and, you know, then later, you know, like it would come back and it would just, you know, kind of piss me off. But I would react to it, but I would just look at it and now, I still feel it, but it's not as, I'm able to let it go a little bit.

So, I can attest to that being the truth. Now, I don't doubt myself so bad when it comes.

I just, I acknowledge, I see it. You know, I know I can't stop it. And so, I just have to work on accepting it. And it gets easier and easier. Yeah. So, I will say that. Yeah. So, this is where you can apply it, RAIN techniques, you mentioned. I know what she's talking about. So, you're talking about anger as a negative emotion, frustration, whatever it is that we feel negative, negative reaction to whatever it is. You know, first you gotta recognize that, right? That's what R stands for, RAIN. Then A is allow it, acknowledge it. Acknowledge it and allow it to be there. So when you feel anger, are you normally triggered by it or it's just come up by itself? It's just, well, I'm triggered by something.

You're triggered by what somebody is happening or what somebody said, right? So you allow that, and then you investigate it right away. This all happens at the same time. Oh, okay, there's anger. There's energy of anger. Okay, instead of like suppressing it, you know? I shouldn't feel angry right now. Not like that. Just like, okay, what is this I'm not feeling right now? What am I feeling right now? Where am I feeling this right now? And that's the investigation. That's looking in, you know, into it to gain that insight into the energy itself. Not why. Don't ever ask yourself, why am I angry? Because there's a thousand reasons why you're angry. Okay? So there's always justification for anger. So just look at it and know that it's not beneficial ever to be angry. Ever.

So anger is a poison that we take wishing another person to die. That's how anger is. We take the poison wishing somebody else to die. Okay. That's the anger. We can be angry at somebody, you know? You think you're all justified to be angry. But the only thing it does is it's you up. It doesn't do anything to that other person,

even if you yell at them, you know? So think of that. It's not beneficial. Investigate into the energy of that anger. Where am I feeling this? What's the intensity? What am I feeling? You know? Investigate into that. And the end part is non-identification. I am not the anger. Okay? You know how people say, "I'm angry." You're not angry. You're just feeling this sensation, this energy. Okay? So take a look at what you're feeling. Okay? Use that method. Each time you get frustrated, each time you feel negative energy that you want to let go, it's a way to do that. It's just somebody that came up with that based on our practice of looking. Yeah. But if you're present, and you're open, then that's what it is. Even for yourself.

Like how you allow other people to be who they are, you have to first allow yourself to

be what it is right now, and investigate into that. And the more you spend watching yourself, paying attention to yourself, observing yourself, they're all same, they're different words, but same thing. Your attention, your focus of your mind is towards yourself. Okay? That's all that's necessary to let those energy go. Yeah. It's just that your power of observation is not strong enough. You get distracted, even as you're paying attention to yourself, you get distracted with your thoughts. That's why we have to discipline the mind to focus what is. And when your mind becomes more powerful, more fit, mentally fit, then concentration level. And that's why in Buddhist practice we practice shamatha practice of concentration with the breath. And there's nothing left but the breath. You're so concentrated.

That's when you enter samadhi state. Okay? And there are different levels of samadhi. But that is what's necessary to gain that insight, vipassana. Okay? That's the original teaching of samadhi, vipassana. Now there's that different vipassana movement about observing the body, you know, up and down. You know, that's one way people are practicing, watching, observing. But I'm trying to get you to that level later. If you can start practicing being a present moment, be open and control the breath, and on that breath, control your motion a little bit better, then you're going to be ready to do more shamatha practice. Okay? That's when the real practice comes out. To break through, make breakthroughs, to get cleanses. Okay? Make sense? Any questions? Yeah. So, say someone else is angry, or frustrated, or in a panic, something like that,

and that's their, like, negative energy that's happening for whatever reason, like helplessness, say. So, as the receiver, a better witness, what is, how do you antidote that, or be a common presence for that person, so you're not battling it, or meeting their energy, like, to kind of settle them. Yeah. Well, you don't want to do anything to them. No. Yeah, don't think about influencing them, but just paying attention to myself, so that I don't get influenced by that many advantage. That's the first step. And just let that person just do that, and then just keep yourself. Exactly. Pay attention to, what am I, am I reacting right now to that? And obviously, you're kind of reacting if you see that. Well, it's a fight or flight response, I think, where you're like, wait, what's happening?

Right. You know, what do you gotta do? You have to fight back or flee or whatever, but you have to stay there if it's your child. Right. You just pay attention. First, check yourself first. What am I feeling right now? You know? And it'll happen in a split second, too. Yeah. If you start looking, okay, I'm getting angry. I'm getting frustrated. And realize that's not beneficial. That's a reaction. That's your awareness. Okay, now I'm reacting. What do I need to do? Let's take a deep breath so that I can just watch. I can just watch and let that person be and just watch the situation. Return to just simply watching. This is why we have to discipline the mind first. You know, everybody is jumping into, "What happened to this? What do I do here?" But if you discipline the mind when that's not happening, then it becomes much easier when it's actually happening.

Does that make sense? Yeah, so, like, try not to react, like, verbally, or perhaps, like, that's where I have a

problem, is, you know, when that's happening, I feel like I have to really, like, respond quickly, or, you know, to try to, like, simmer it down quickly. Right, right, right. And it's like, you know, instead of, like, I guess the thought of being still is terrifying. Right, right, right. Because I'm like, something's gonna happen here if I don't step in. Yep, yep, yep. You know what I mean? If I don't do something, something is going to happen. Yeah. Because, but I'm so afraid of that, that I don't even give it a chance to just see what happens. Exactly. By sitting still and just see. Yeah. You know? I guess keep the door open. Yeah, yeah. So give it a try. See what happens, actually. And then it's like, so what really would, I guess, they will just die down, I guess.

Mm-hmm. Is that kind of what happens inside of them? Yeah. I mean, everything is impermanent, right? Yeah. Nothing lasts forever. So, I mean, it may last longer sometimes. Yeah. Nothing lasts forever. So just see if you can-- Just like being them. Yeah. Because I want to be a positive, like, force where they feel, like, safe to be that way. Right. Like, to be able to just vent it out. Right. And I'm not afraid of it. And just so then they can, you know. First, first of all, you know, you want to be loving. You want to be loving. Beingness. Okay. But in order to do that, you have to first check yourself. If I'm reacting already negatively, you're not being loving. Right. So you want to be positive energy for them.

You want to make them feel safe. So check, what am I feeling right now? Am I feeling a little bit, you know, edgy, you know, or feel like fear of something might go wrong? That's also fear, right? So it's a fear-based action that we're taking a lot of times. So that's negative. It's not beneficial. So fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, all of those are negative energy we're sending out.

So it's not beneficial to me, nor to them. So we check that, okay? Okay, I'm feeling that right now. But just simply by knowing that I'm feeling that right now, you've already created the distance of being an observer of that energy, not being in it. That's why we're practicing observing ourselves all the time. And that's why it takes practice. That's why it takes meditation, you know, practice to discipline the mind, to just keep watching the breath over and keep coming back, keep coming back, keep coming back. You know, maybe a thousand times in 10 minutes, you know? But that's okay. That itself is the repetition to strengthen our mind to observe, to be able to sit still and be able to observe. It was just not trained enough.

Our mind is just not trained enough to be able to handle those circumstances the way we want it to. So that's why we have to practice, train the mind. Okay? Does that make sense?

Thank you. Okay. To put it into practice. Yes. Yeah. So commit. Commit to every single day. Practicing. Meditation. You don't have to call it meditation. Just practicing how to deal with life. Mental fitness. I call it mental fitness training with the military guys, you know. This is how we sharpen our mind. By practicing staying here with open mind. Okay? Anybody else? Did you have one? I was just thinking, you know, she does that, or I do that, or we do that. We still need to have an observance of protecting ourselves at times, too, because you never know. No, that's the discernment you have if you're calm and you're doing what you need to do, versus negatively reacting. There's a difference, right? Okay, if somebody's threatening with something, yes, you have to do something to protect yourself, but you're doing it out of necessity, not out of negative reaction.

See that? There's a difference. And trying to protect your ego is different than protect your, you know, life. Right. But it feels the same, though. It does. Ego feels like whenever you're threatened, that's the ego, really, the majority of the time. Okay? So I went a little past the time here. Let's end this with our metta prayer.