What Is This I?

Okay. How's everyone doing? Okay. How's it for you? Okay. So, I just want to remind everyone again, our meditation here, okay, is not just about relaxation, even though it does give you relaxation. The foundational practice of being right here in the now. We have to train our mind, discipline our mind, to keep coming back and stay, stay, stay. Okay. Once that is done, is when you can start paying attention. Because ultimately the whole Buddhist meditation practice, no matter what technique you use, it's about self-awareness. It's about insight into this so-called self.

Penetrating insight into what is this me, this I-ness. So in order to even get to that question, we have to train our mind to be present. So for your daily activities, we're practicing mindfulness moment to moment, to be present,

to be paying attention to ourself. Okay? So if you look at Satipatthana Sutra, the Buddha actually taught. The Sati is the mindfulness. It talks about four establishments of mindfulness. First, starting with the body, right? The breath, our movements and actions. And then our feelings and emotions. Whatever we sense, whatever we feel, we are aware of it. We're mindful of it. Okay? And then our thoughts, our mind activities.

We have to become very, very attentive to see how it flows. And then the fourth is the objects of our mind. Calls it the dharma. Everything that is existent that we're actually experiencing. All that is experiencing. The reason he taught that is so that we continue to pay attention to our own experiences. Okay? And by paying attention to my own experience, my own self, you gain that insight into what your true essence is.

Because right now everybody has this ideal of me. Right? It's I-ness. That individuality, right? Me versus others. That I-ness is the ego. It's misperception of reality. It's not the correct view. That's why there's suffering in this life. That's why the number one noble truth is life

is dukkha, unbalanced, unsatisfactory, because it starts, the life is started by the illusion, the identity, of me, myself, and I. Because if I asked you, what are you claiming yourself to be? What is this I? Anybody found that answer yet? I know I've been asking this a lot. What is that?

Don't know, right? Right? Admit that? Everybody admit? Okay. That's why we suffer. It's temporary. What is? It's the I-ness. The I-ness? Yeah. Only when you actually, you're conjuring it up, moment to moment. As soon as we become conscious, when we wake up, there's that I, boom. Right?

We're continuously bringing up this illusion and attached to it, without even knowing what that is. So, by gaining that penetrative insight into that, to seeing the essence behind this ideal of self, you can become liberated from all suffering. And that's the word "enlightenment" is used, realization is used, to see, to see directly, not just an ideal, not a belief, not a concept, but you see, for real, what all that is, by paying attention to your own essence, by penetrating insight into your own essence.

And you see that this whole individuality is based on illusion. It's not that you don't exist, that you exist because of your illusion. And because of that, you must go through this, all these ups and downs of life, the webs of pleasures and displeasures, you know.

And everybody thinks that's the way it should be. That's the norm. Life, that's how life is. But it doesn't have to be. That's what Buddha has realized. So we're training our mind to be present so we can pay attention. But the foundation of practice is compassion. Why? Because as you practice compassion for others, okay, we start with others, but you recognize as you continue to give, give, give, your boundary becomes larger and larger and larger.

Right now your boundary is just a skin, right? It's me right here, my family, what I care about. It's all self-related, right? So with that boundary, you know, we can't come to realization of the truth. So in order to let go of that boundary, expand it continuously, we have to be compassionate.

That's the other way of getting to the wisdom as well. Until you see that there was never a boundary, only what I projected to be a boundary, right? So if you took away all the boundaries, you return to the essence, the boundless essence. Boundless. It's not even interconnectedness.

Because there's nothing but that. When there's no boundary, how can there be interconnection? When there's no two, how can you say there's one? It just is. But it seems everybody is separate, doesn't it? It seems to be true. There's me, you, all of that.

That's the illusion that your ego is creating for your own life. This is a very deep concept. It's hard to even accept. And your ego is going to resist it, too. It wants to survive as an individual. That's why we have to train our mind and practice, practice. So even if you don't get to it this lifetime, at least you set the intention, right?

So our spiritual intention, bodhicitta intention, is to become awake. Why? To be beneficial to others. So why do I teach? Because you don't know, right? Why did the Buddha teach? Because there are people who didn't see it, but there are folks who can't see it.

Right? You know, there are a lot of enlightened beings that just disappear. Just because they no longer see, no longer see the need to attach to anything. And that compassion, what we call it, it doesn't mean they're less compassionate, it's just that everybody's function is different. But with the compassion Buddha taught, because he saw that people can become awakened to that perfect enlightenment, perfect liberation.

Enlightenment means liberation. Everybody has heard, truth will set you free, right? Yeah, the absolute truth. That's what the Heart Sutra is talking about. That's what the Diamond Sutra is talking about, it's the absolute truth. That's why it's hard for everybody to actually kind of understand it even. But even if you gain understanding intellectually, you have to see it for yourself.

The empty nature, the reason they have to call it empty is because you think there is

something inherently existing, independent existence. But when you pay close attention to see it, then you see that everything exists only based on that supporting condition. And that supporting condition is never forever permanent, right? That's why everything changes. Because whatever that's supporting that to exist, the conditions, it's always changing.

Why is that important in your daily life? If you can at least see that everything comes and goes based on supporting conditions, then there's no point in holding on to it so tight that it creates, you know, suffering. And you see that everything can come and go.

You know, you lose your loved ones, you see that that's just the nature. That's very natural. Okay, whether you go through a breakup or you lose somebody through death, you see that as just what's supposed to happen. That's exactly what's supposed to happen. You see that as just the nature, you know, just like as you watch a breeze, the trees, everything changes.

It's just like the seasonal change. There's no more clinging when you can truly see it that way. And there's no more clinging, and there's no more suffering. Right?

So you can at least intellectually apply that. I know there's the emotion that's hard to control because you've been trained that way to react. That's why we're practicing what we're practicing. To allow things to be as is. Right? So although all those annoying people at the at the workplace that triggers you, allow them to be.

Let them be. That's who they're supposed to be. Based on their karma. Karma is not a bad thing. Karma is not a punishment or reward. Okay? Karma just means that supporting elements creates the manifestation. That's all it really means. Very simple way to understand karma is that dependent origination. That everything relies on something else to exist.

And that something that supports that existence is always changing too. And that's also supported by something else that supports it. And that also is supported by something else. Right? Continuously. I can do this forever. Everything is supported by something else. There's no independent, inherent existence.

Right? If you can think of one, let me know. Everything depends on something else to exist. So when you can see that, even intellectually, you know that everything is just happening. Everything you're experiencing is based on karma. You can call it positive, you can call it negative. It's positive because it's beneficial to life.

It's negative because it takes away from life. So if you want to experience positive life, then create the positive karma, positive supporting elements, positive supporting conditions, so you can experience positive life. Okay? So karma, you know, you can see it just based on where you are right now. Everyone's body is different, right?

Right here, everybody that's sitting here. You're living a different life. Why? Because of your own karma. Everything is karma. Right? Those lanterns you see up there. It's up there what? Somebody put it up there. Somebody made it. Manufactured behind it. All those are supporting conditions. It's karmically to be up there right now, right?

That's just the consequence of all the karma that was supporting it. Everything. Everything is changing, too. That's why we say everything is empty of inherent existence, inherent self. But we could continue to believe this "me, me, me, me, me" as if it's something that's permanent, like permanent soul.

That's why in Buddhism there is no permanent soul that hops from one body to the other. It's just karmically produced based on all those accumulations of infinite number of karmic energy that you created based on your own choices. It's all choice. It's all choice.

As you see the world, you can see that everything is just products of the karma. That's how you want to see everything. It's all the supporting elements that go into it. Now, if you want to figure out what caused what, it'll take you infinite amount of time.

If you trace back all those, it'll go infinite time. Because it's been -- it required infinite to be right here. Even this speck of dust right here that you can't see. It took the entire universe, entire infinite time for it to be right there on the spot.

Yeah. Seriously. So look at your body. Everything. Right? So it's not about figuring that out. It's about understanding that. To be able to see that everything is karmically produced. And the reason we are -- we're in this continual cycle is because we're ignorant of the truth.

We're ignorant of the truth. So the Buddhist path, the Buddha dharma, is about awakening to the truth. Right? You can produce a lot of good karma for yourself by helping others, you know? Like we've got doctors here, nurses here, you know, you can heal people, save lives.

Those are all great because you're producing positive karma. You know, you're volunteering, donations, all of those adds up to positive energy to help your life experiences. But the difference is that you need that, that is a necessary condition to be awakened. But to be awakened, it takes additional practice of looking inward, investigation into yourself.

So all the good things you can do is great because you're creating the condition for yourself so that you don't have to be distracted. Because once you get on this path, and once you set that intention to be liberated for the benefit of all beings, there will, this distraction, the obstacles will come at you. All those negative karma that I had in the past that are waiting for its time to come and manifest would kind of rush in you, especially as you make progress spiritually. Yeah, I was able to see that and now I kind of retract it back when I, if this is before I became a monk. And I was like, every time I try to be diligent, all these things would happen. I asked my Zen Master, what do I do about this? I said, that's exactly the way it's supposed to be. So accept it. Just go with it.

You know, allow your karma to come. But later on, as you continue to make progress, you start to let it be and it becomes less impactful because your karma of practice overcomes it, becomes much, much more powerful. So your intention has to become more powerful than your habitual way of being, right?

Everyone has a habitual way of being. You get distracted, right? When you meditate, you get distracted by thoughts. You want to practice daily, but you can't stay consistent. You're distracted by all the things that's happening in the world, right? In your life. Jobs, family, relationship, whatever it is. Those are all distractions to keep you from continuing this path. You don't have to judge it as negative. It just is.

So what do you do? You keep coming back. Keep coming back. Just like when you meditate, your thoughts take you away. When you recognize that, you come back. Keep coming back. Keep coming back. So when your intention becomes powerful enough, then your commitment and consistency will be there. Okay? This is why I emphasize, just do what I'm telling you to do. It's not just to, you know, make you become subservient to what I'm telling you to do. It's just that in the beginning, you have to say, "Yes, Venerable." And just do it. Just do it.

Because your way of being, your habitual way of being will not allow you to be consistent and be, you know, commitment-driven. Okay? So the path is there, but everyone's coming off of it, staying coming off of it, coming back like this for now.

Until your intention becomes more powerful than your habitual energy, you know?

Just like any habits you're trying to fix, right? Right? You have to, you know, be consistent, be committed. So that's why the morning puja is very, very, very important. Okay? Otherwise, this becomes just a hobby, something to do to relax, to forget about something, you know? And that's not going to help, because you have not, you have not taken the root out.

Okay? The cause of all the suffering. You know how people leave jobs because they can't stand somebody, you know? I can't stand their boss, they go find another job, but they'll experience exactly the same thing. No matter where they go, because their perception hasn't changed, their paradigm hasn't changed, their karma hasn't changed.

So it's better to look inward, without judging others, without judging yourself, to change your way of being. So we're trying to be reborn almost, to be a new way of being, versus an old habitual way of being. Everybody here, right, has a habitual way to think, react, everything, right?

So first understand that. First understand my patterns of thoughts, my habitual reaction, when somebody is rude, or mean, or triggers me. Instead of blaming them, recognize our own patterns of reaction. That's why we practice. Being present, being deliberate, being intentional. So you're more proactive versus reactive.

Okay? And I said this probably every time. And the reason I'm continuously repeating this is that we all still need to be reminded. Okay? Each time we are reacting, recognize that. Okay, I'm reacting again. And then come back. Come back to the path, to the intention.

That's the mindfulness. Being vigilant of our own speech, actions, and thoughts. That's going to help us stay on the path. Okay? And those of you that have committed to daily practice, based on the guidance that I've provided, the daily practice guidelines, you know, keep coming back.

I know you're going to get distracted. But come back to, what did I say? That's the requirement. Morning puja and the self-reflection is a must. Okay? If you're not doing those, you're not on the path. You're not. You want to be on the path, but you're not.

Because you're not committed to at least the minimum, bare minimum. Even the daily guideline is bare minimum. One hour meditation a day, three mindful activities, one random act of kindness. Right? It's the bare minimum for us to see transformation, to continue to pay attention to myself, so that I can be that I want to be, that I choose to be.

Otherwise, we're always going to become slaves to the situations and to other people. So be the master of your own life, your own self. It leads to that. Then you can go in deeper and deeper.

Does that make sense? Did I lose anybody? Anybody? Okay. Any questions? Yes. So, Venerable, I get it. I get the point you're making about everything happens natural through the causes and conditions. And speaking personally, I live with that. But the one thing that can push me back and out of my practice is suffering of other living things that I'm close to.

Take me off my path, I'll get bummed out, get sad for them. My question is, am I, is that because I'm, I'm, instead of having compassion, I'm getting, I'm having this love attachment to these things. Would that be the reason why? Yeah. It's just attachment.

Yeah. Because it's the natural course of life for, you know, like your pets to get old and sick. Right? That's why Buddha's main concern when he was seeking enlightenment was, you know, why do we have to age? Why do we have to get sick? Why do we have to die?

That's something that every living being has to go through, right? Is there anybody that has not been sick before? Is anybody not getting older? Anybody not gonna die? That's just a fact of life. But when you resist that, you resist it. Why? Why are you resisting that?

Yeah. So is it beneficial? Yeah. So you gotta make a choice. Yeah, you gotta make a choice. Your own beingness. How do you wanna be now? You gotta be loving, you know, for the loved ones that are passing away. We don't have to be sad and grieved.

That is not, that's the social expectation, but you don't have to be. You can still be loving and still celebrate their life versus being sad that you're about to lose something. That's about me. Yeah, when I'm upset, it's really not about them, it's about me.

That I'm going to lose who I care about or the precious, that is precious to me. Yeah. So, if you can see that. Yeah. Okay. Anybody get that? Yeah. So, our attachments. Think about that. Look at that. That's why we have to look closely.

That's why we pay attention to ourselves. Whenever we feel sad, we think because we love them.

No, it's because I'm about to lose something I don't want to lose. So, you don't have to be sad. You choose to be. Maybe based on your own way of being, habitual way of being. Right? So, it's about me. It's not about them.

If it's about them, then just be loving. And love is not something you give and take. That's the worldly way of transactional love. The love that we're talking about, unconditional love, is your own beingness. That's why when we practice this loving-kindness meditation, when we're producing, we're generating, we're sharing, that itself is happiness right there.

Because you're generating this energy, positive energy within you. That itself, when you're rejoicing in that. That's why Buddha actually used the word "rejoice in it." Because that's the happiness right there. Being loving, being kind, itself is happiness. Yes, it will create a vibrational energy, the karmic energy, so you can benefit from that in the future as well.

But right there, as you're being kind, right there, as you're being compassionate, you're rejoicing in that energy. So you're already happy. That's how you find happiness.

True happiness, true joy, by being altruistic, being kind. That's why when we say happiness, peace and joy, peace of mind, joyful heart. Joyful heart comes from generating that love and kindness, compassion, okay? And we need to practice. We have to make effort. Why?

Because we're so self-driven for so long that it takes practice to be compassionate, to be kind, to be giving. When you give, a lot of people may think, oh, you know, this is why I talked about this on Wednesday too. So true giving, true dana, when we talk about generosity, it should be non-abiding generosity.

It means we give because it's necessary, it makes me happy. Just to give, not to return, to get anything back. Okay? So when we start becoming calculated, "Oh, I gave this much yesterday, what should I give again today?" "I already did this, I already did that."

That's, you know, you're calculating a ledger, you know? That's not what this is about. We encourage giving, we encourage volunteering, and we're going to create a lot more opportunities for that. Why? For your own good. For your own happiness. You have to be able to see that.

You have to be able to see that when you give, whether it's your time, whether it's, you know, donation, whether it's just kind gestures, whatever it is, it expands your boundary, and it creates happiness for you. When you forgive people that have done wrong to you, it brings peace into your own mind.

You benefit by not harboring any ill-will thoughts against them. Right? Yeah. So it's really for my own benefit to give, to forgive. And there's really no forgiveness, actually, and we use that because of modern sense everybody uses it. But in the Buddhist teaching, there's no such thing as forgiveness because everything is brought on by your own actions anyway.

You know, even if somebody hurt you, it's based on my own karmic debt that I'm paying off. So it's my own karmic past and present that's making me, that's manifesting this experience. There's no one else to blame. Not even for yourself, because there's no self to blame anyway.

It's just the karmically manifested. So you accept it as is. So if somebody's done you wrong, you just paid off karmic debt. Think of it that way. So, whew! Okay, I'm done with that debt. Thank you! Thank you! That's off my chest now.

No, seriously, it is. So think of it that way. Think of it lightly like that. Instead of like, argh, you know? I can't wait to get you back for that. Why do you gotta be so mean? You know? Just say, okay, good. This is a good opportunity for me to pay off my debt.

Thank you for giving me that opportunity. By belittling me, or saying something rude. Whatever that you experience. Remember, you're experiencing it because you're there. Because of your choices. Okay? And then, once you start on the path, and once you kind of go over with that type of attitude, you'll start to accept everything as is.

It's no longer going to trigger you to be bothered. Okay? Does that make sense? Anybody willing to give that a try? Say thank you for all the meanness that's out there in the world. It's a way for me to practice. Right? It makes you reflect, at least, my own reactions, right?

Yeah. So if you put it into a practice, then it's a positive event.

Yes? If our ego is so strong in this lifetime, will we be able, when we pass over, or when we leave this physical body, you said there's no inherent soul, no. So will we be able to see the truth, before we decide, or before we come back, our karma brings us back, as a human being, or back as a physical being again? Will we know that in between the transitions?

You have to, you have to be alive, you know, to become enlightened. That's why human form is so precious. So what happens in between? You're just, you're just, you're just going. Yeah, this is the karmic formation. That's all. Yeah. Even the consciousness you have right now is not the consciousness you're going to have.

Okay? Your consciousness is also a manifestation of your karma. So you're just producing new karma, new consciousness as well. It's just karma. It's almost like a memory, you know, being transferred. A memory of the karma. But with the knowledge you're gaining throughout your lifetime, will they continue to grow? Right, because that's your karma.

Yeah. Yeah. The Buddha said, once he said that I'm going to become a Buddha, it took 500 lives. So it just accumulates. The karma just accumulates. Whether you do it negatively or positively or when you practice. So we just practice. Okay. Don't worry about next life.

Become awake right here, right now.

Okay. You can only awake right here and right now. Yeah. And if you, if you're striving. Yeah. If you're striving for, you're striving for something you just created. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So just be right here, right now. Ask yourself, what do I need to do right now?

That is beneficial. That's it. That's all you have to ask. That is beneficial. Yeah. Because you could be beneficial to many other things that could be distracting. What is going to be beneficial to my intention that I set? Which is what? To become fully liberated, fully awakened, for the benefit of other things.

Right? That's it. Until that intention becomes more powerful, there will be distractions that will take you off the path. Okay? Do you have any questions, sir? Okay. All right. So, two minutes past our time.

No other questions? Okay. So, we're going to end with our metta prayer. Okay? As we do our prayer, just visualize all sentient beings. Okay? Not just human form, but all forms. Even those without any forms, there are sentient beings out there. So, let's bring our palms together.

and repeat after me. May all beings be safe. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be joyful. May all beings be joyful. May all beings awaken to their true nature. May all beings awaken to their true nature.

May all beings be free. May all beings be free. Thank you. Have a great weekend. Thank you.